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Category: Career and Purpose
50. Act as if what you do makes a difference. Because it does. I left the best for last. These are the words that hold true throughout my whole life. Sometimes you will see the results of your effort. Sometimes you will question, what is the point. Sometimes you will be tempted to be unkind, to think it is not a big deal. Sometimes you will want to do what others do, and sometimes you will just want to find an excuse to give up. Sometimes you will convince yourself it does not matter or that it will never work out. Sometimes it will be impossible to see if you are leaving a trace whatsoever. Sometimes you will want to stay where you are and give up on your dreams. And I know that you will have a perfect excuse, if you do. But… Please do not. Because looking back there will always be this one thing that stands out: Act as if what you do makes a difference. Because it does. Category: Career and Purpose
Now looking back after 20 years of experience working with people, this is what I would tell myself: 41. Your hobbies are important for your mental health. Treat them with such importance. Much like health, when things get really busy, your hobbies and the things that give you a lot of energy will be the first ones to disappear from your daily schedule. But they are a life saving boat, more than you realise. Prioritise them. 42. Your first job does not need to be your whole career. If you are lucky and healthy, you will work for more than 40 years. Do you really think you will be interested in one thing and one thing only? That is the thing that no one tells you, however. There is this misconception that you must choose and stick to your decision. The quicker you let go of that idea, the less guilt and shame you will feel about wanting to explore other paths. 43. Help unconditionally and out of kindness, but respect yourself in the process. The higher you get into organisations and the more your job has to do with responsibility, the more people will ask you for help. Do what you can to help. It will build you a good relationship with yourself. And in that process, make sure you are also taken care of, always! 44. People will underestimate you. Your job is not to underestimate yourself. Not everyone will be able to predict or foresee the breakthroughs that you will have, and that is ok. The tragedy is only if you are not able to see the potential you have and hold yourself to it. Please make sure you reach high and far, you are more than capable of everything you dream of. And then some more! 45. Small actions every day are worth more than one big leap a month. You will procrastinate, again and again. Because you have this idea that it all needs to be done in one big go or that it will take a lot of effort. When in reality it takes tiny, small steps every day. Often you will feel like you are not making any progress whatsoever. It will feel like the actions you are taking are too small. That is ok, as long as you are taking them. It is not their size that matters, it is the consistency. 46. Change is good. Everything changes. What is next is always better. Change always feels dreadful and like you are jumping in the darkness, no safety net. But trust your wings, trust your process and you will see that the only way to mess up change is to avoid it. Staying still often seems like a good strategy but is such a bad friend in the long run. So, my dear, do not be afraid of change. Trust it. 47. Search for purpose and dare to take the path once you see it. The thing that no one really explained in school is that success will not make you happy. But a sense of fulfilment will. And the reason no one explained that is because the world is full of people who reach success, but very few that have fulfillment. 48. Do not take advice from people who are not walking your path or are not where you would like to be. Many people, especially those who think they are in a position to understand you, will try to advise you. Always - and I mean always - check how that advice feels in your body. Your intuition knows far better than anyone else you will come across. People may mean that in a good way, but they are limited in how they can help you. They can only see what they have experienced. 49. You will feel lost. That is ok. It is part of the journey. Only those who walk a well paved path never feel lost. You will meet people who feel lost, and others who seem to know exactly where they are going. Just know that both are ok. Please know that feeling lost does not make you less of a human, or somehow behind in life. Please know that those who walk a paved path rarely wonder about the direction. It is only those who dare to drift into the wilderness that wonder which way to go. And last but most importantly.... 50 Category: Career and Purpose
Now looking back after 20 years of working with people, this is what I would tell myself: 31. Learn to become your greatest cheerleader! Sometimes that is the only person you will have by the sideline. The main topic in coaching sessions is - I am not sure I have what it takes or I do not know if I can achieve what I want. And although a coach very often can help with some practical approaches and tips, the most impactful thing a good coach brings to a transformation is seeing the potential for that person and holding that possibility for them until they reach it. So learn to be your own cheerleader. To believe in your capabilities and in your potential, way before anyone else has done so. Learn to support yourself, to celebrate yourself and be your best friend truly. 32. You will have this one really, really good manager. Only then you will realise how average everyone before them was. Sometime in your career, you are bound to meet a manager that will make you realise what it actually means to be working with a good leader. Appreciate this time, because unfortunately the corporate world does not tolerate truly good managers for too long. They all eventually leave. But that time you got to experience the impact of a good working environment, transparent and honest conversations and the greatness of being appreciated, will have an immense effect on the person you will want to become. It takes one really good manager for us to want to become one as well. 33. Staying for a long time in a company is not a measure of success. Here is one thing that is quite fascinating in organisations - they all have ways of celebrating loyalty and seniority. While this is an important quality, make sure you do not equate it with success. People have many different reasons to stay or to leave a place.The recognition we get is in the people who speak highly of us in our absence and in the integrity we have built with ourselves. 34. When a job or a place is not for you, you will know it. So often you will know deep down in your heart and soul that this is not your path, not your career, not your life to live. And so many of us choose to ignore that nudge. I have had sessions with architects that dislike what they do, executives that are tired of their work - and yet, we are so creative in finding the reasons to continue down the path we know. It is often an unexplainable nudge, a deeper intuitive message. But when a path is not for us, we know it. And choosing to ignore it is costly in the long run. 35. Please remember to have FUN! As you go through life, you will see the world is full of people who have been so busy growing up and playing the role of the adult, that they have forgotten how to have fun. And it is truly a tragedy. Because creativity and purpose, and all the things we are searching for when we search for a meaning in our career, can only be found in connecting with one thing - joy. Allow yourself to be stupid. Allow yourself to be silly. Sometimes this is the best therapy. 36. Bring your whole self. Hiding parts of ourselves is a price too high to pay for any salary. Once you start a job, it will be tempting to squeeze yourself into a job description. Not only that, but there will be others’ expectations to meet and projections you will face. Do not try to fit into expectations. It will take some calm courage and you can be down to earth about the process, but before starting a new role or at a new place - check in with yourself. There is no need to hide or to be ashamed of any parts of you. There will be a learning curve. Own that. 37. Value your time. And that of others. Treat your time with the respect it deserves. Show up on time and expect that others do so as well. This one will be so difficult - but create time for yourself even on the busiest of days. The hardest boundary you may need to keep is with yourself. 38. Performance evaluations are not as objective as we believe them to be. Take what resonates, leave what does not. People love giving their opinion. And often the word feedback is used to replace that concept, it does not make it in any way the full truth. Performance evaluations are often not as useful or helpful to personal development as organisations want to believe they are. Now, that said - there might be useful nuggets. Do not be too arrogant to dismiss them - there might be something that is hard to admit but that will be of service and benefit to you. Oh, should you decide to take that forward - make sure you do it for you, not so that you can fit someone's perception. 39. When you write yearly goals at work, write some just for yourself. For years I did not understand the value of setting my own goals and intentions. Everything I had set was for the benefit of the organisation I was working with. And it took me years to realise how important it is to set up some personal career goals. I remember after a few years of working on these really ambitious goals at work that seemed impossible at the beginning of the year - I wondered how it is possible that we did reach them after all. And it is as simple as that - you write it down, and you start taking action, every single day. Not succeeding was not an option. And it made me wonder - why was I willing to do that for an organisation but not for myself? 40. Learn to say ‘no’. In a kind way and before it is too late. Turning down suggestions, opportunities and requests is a skill. And no one teaches us that. So learn how to politely and kindly say no - at an early stage. It is easier then, and also gives people time to find other options, if you are not available. 50 things about work that I wish I could tell my younger self... (41-50) Category: Career and Purpose
Looking back after 20 years of experience of working with people, this is what I would tell myself:
21. There are jobs and then there are callings. They do not need to be the same thing. Do what you love, love what you do is one of the most common quotes on Instagram. And also the one that will do the most damage to your perception on how your life should be. It sounds appealing, but your purpose and your career do not have to be the same thing. And very often, this is for the better - do not let the internet fool you. 22. Know when it is time to leave a place. You will build friendships at work. You will make yourself feel safe and comfortable. You will be recognised for what you have done. And all these little threads will tie around you holding you in place. But when your heart and soul call you forward, you must be willing to cut these ties and venture into open seas. This is what ships are made for. New lands are never discovered at the same shore. 23. Invest in yourself. Always and in all ways. If you could remember only one thing from our little conversations, let it be this one. You are your biggest investment. Not your work, not your business, not your promotion, not your performance review. These things will come and go and the only thing they have in common is you - your growth and your health. So invest in yourself. Always and in all ways. 24. Take the difficult conversations. It will help you grow. You will be faced with conflict more often than you would like. And if you think you have not been in conflict with anyone, you are lying to yourself. Choose to take the difficult conversations early on. Do so with kindness, calmness and most importantly - choose to have the difficult conversations because of yourself. Because it will grow you. 25. People avoid conflict, especially at the workplace. And you will avoid it too. Particularly when there are many things on the table and tasks to get done. Avoiding conflict makes people feel better about themselves because we get to keep our nice image but it also disregards the experience of the other person. Conflict that has been avoided for too long is most often the source of what we call toxic dynamics and there is a point of no return. 26. Find yourself a mentor, a coach or someone who can guide you. In the old days, you would learn a craft from a master. But the mechanics of a job is only one part of the learning. Now we need to put in our personality and our personal skills. A manager or a leader is not the same as a mentor or a coach. They may not always be able to help us to grow the same way that a coach can hold space and accountability for our dreams and goals. My greatest achievements have always come after deep work with senior coaches. They have held focus on the North Star and where I want to go, and being the greatest cheerleaders and accountability partners along the way. Then my managers have become stepping stones I can lean on in the journey but not the only resource. 27. Learn about investing your money and budgeting early in life. Having savings will give you peace of mind. It will let you take more risks in life and will allow you to focus on what matters to you. Learn the habit of saving, investing and doing it early, learn the habit of discipline with money and this will pay off tremendously later in life. 28. Work out. Eat well. Go in nature. Take a long shower. When things at work get really, really tough the first thing that will go out the window, will be your health habits. You will start eating out of stress, you will stop going to the gym regularly and not to mention walks in nature or other recreational activities. Your health will be the first one to pay the price when things get tough. So the same way as you must do with money - build yourself solid health habits. They should be the last thing to go, the last thing to sacrifice when work gets busy. 29. Time spent in adventure is never wasted. Do the crazy trips, have the gaps in the resume and go on tours more often than you go on team buildings. You will look back at the travels and adventures you had with a smile and relief that you got to experience things, that you got to see new places, new cultures. Broaden your experiences, especially in your 30s and 40s when everyone is settling down. Adventure is the one thing that people in career coaching sessions often say they miss in their lives. 30. If all goes to hell, do not bottle down. Let your emotions out. Intellectualising our anger and frustration is one of the most unhealthy things we do. And not only that, we are led to believe that people who can suppress or bypass their anger are somehow more mature, more evolved and better humans. Emotions have power. That power needs to be released. Yes, you may need to find an appropriate way - go to a safe space, punch a pillow, go to a boxing studio, but do let that anger out. Emotions are energy. Anger is powerful energy and it needs to be released. Otherwise, we store and solidify it in our bodies. 50 things about career that I wish I could tell my younger self... (31-40) Category: Career and Purpose
Looking back after 20 years of experience of working with people, this is what I would tell myself:
11. People are not mean, sometimes they just do not know any better. It will be very tempting to think of someone as an *** or any other word especially when emotions run high. When time passes and you look back, you might see they did not know any better. This is not an excuse for bad behaviour. But it is a reminder we may have done something similar to someone else. 12. You are capable of achieving great things. Do not small yourself. As a girl, this world - especially the corporate world - will continuously tell you where your place is. It will do it overtly, sometimes you will not even notice you are being played and manipulated into a stereotype. You will be punished for not playing a genre role, for trying to break a mold. Don’t you dare be discouraged. 13. Before you seek validation from anyone else, grow it within you. This one cuts deep and it is something you will hear all the time. But only because it is actually true. People around you may celebrate your achievements and hold space for your accomplishments, but your greatest validation must always come from within. This is the only reliable and healthy place to grow it. 14. There are times to work really hard, and there are times to rest. And they may not be when you plan them. You will have 12-14 hour working days for months, you will be exhausted and pushed to your limits, and a part of you will enjoy this. Because you are making progress. But there will also be times that you simply must rest and surrender. And that will be much harder than working 12 hours. 15. Underneath the titles, everyone is just a human being on their own little journey. The more you grow professionally and meet people with greater power, greater influence, greater titles and responsibilities… If you take time to truly connect with them, you will see in a beautiful way, just another human on their little journey. No one has it all figured out. I repeat, no one. 16. Underneath the titles, everyone is just trying to do the best they can with what they know. A title is not an equivalent to being a good human being. People who lead people are only as good at that as they are with themselves. May sound a little harsh, but it applies to us as well. We will not be a good leader or manager, unless we do the inner work. 17. People will treat you better if deep down you know your value calmly. When you know deep down inside your value and your worth, you will not have to defend it. This will put you at ease in negotiations, this will put you at ease in difficult conversations and you will be able to get a far better outcome for yourself. 18. Money is important. Do not let people tell you otherwise. But also, do not make it the center of your life. Your salary is important. There will be people who will try to get you to do tasks, projects under the pretext that money is not important. Just know that when it comes to negotiating the pay for your work - it is up to you to decide if money is important or it is not. 19. You will make more money if you treat money with respect. Just like people, money also likes to be appreciated. There is a difference between holding money hostage and being respectful. Just as there is a difference between letting money slip too easily and spending it respectfully. Learn the difference early. 20. Be open to life giving you not the job you want, but something even better. Often you will be absolutely sure this is the perfect job for you, just to find out a few months later that something even better came along. Much like other things in life, the process of job searching is also a way for us to tune into what we really, really want without knowing it. 50 things about work that I wish I could tell my younger self... (21-30) Category: Career and Purpose
Looking back on my career journey in the last 20 years, this is what I would tell myself:
Category: Career and Purpose
‘Work will be where you spend most of your time and the people you work with will often be people you will spend more time with than your family. So choose wisely’. This is what my professor in university said when we were to select our final year thesis. He was the dean of the faculty and had a PhD in Sports and Organisational Psychology, so to a great extent we trusted his words. But I did not fully understand them at the time. It was through experience that I knew the wisdom of what he said. What we do and who we do it with, is pivotal to our lives. It matters. Sometimes it matters a lot, sometimes a little less. But we all have learned this - if we are not happy at our work or we are in an unhealthy team or culture, it affects our whole life. And to make such a big choice at the age of 20-something, for most of us feels daunting. At least for me, it was. I spent months agonising over what I should choose for my career. The choice was between two of my greatest interests: Organisational Psychology or Health Psychology. As a Psychology graduate I was often asked - but how will you make money with psychology. So I chose the one that I thought would be the one that would get me a job. For several months afterwards, I was sure I had made the wrong choice. Now, looking back almost 20 years late, this is what I would tell myself: 50 things I would tell my younger self... (1-10) Category: Career and Purpose
Self-development has become a central focus in coaching and self-help. It is no surprise really - it empowers individuals to make meaningful changes in their lives. And in a life where we feel that there is so much we can not control or influence, having autonomy over our own experience is so meaningful.
Here is what we see already:
Well. That brings us to our last conversation. What would you like to say? It has been a journey, and I hope we speak again. Meanwhile… Category: Career and Purpose
Habits are the brain’s way of conserving energy. We make behaviours automated because our brain has decided they have been repeated enough times and therefore, do not need to be revised or supervised anymore. But just because something is automatic does not mean it is always beneficial. Even more so - it may have been beneficial before, but no longer aligned with what we want to create.
Haha, great observation. Personally, I am … Category: Career and Purpose
We know that our daily lives today are a result of habits we have consistently built in the past. Say, this blog for example, bringing it into reality was a byproduct of creating a daily routine of writing every single day, no exceptions and not allowing mood or daily tasks to get in the way. So imagine living today on repeat for the next five years. Would you be content or restless? A question like this forces us to evaluate our daily habits and choices.
So back to the question - could you live exactly this life in 5 years from now? And the answer might as well be - yes. But if the answer is not inspiring to you, it may be time to rethink the small choices you make daily. I like that. Can you give me some research on habits? Yes, great choice, let us dive into that… |
