As a health and wellbeing coach, my work revolves around helping individuals achieve balance in both body and mind. Along this journey, I have learned that mental and emotional health are just as crucial as physical health. It's not just about fitness or eating right; it's about how we manage our emotions, thoughts, and responses to the world around us. A key principle I emphasise is self-awareness. By becoming attuned to your emotions - whether they are serving us or not serving us - we can respond more intentionally rather than react impulsively. The emotions we feel are not barriers to our success; they’re signals. The last thing I want - ever - is to sound preachy and as if anyone, let alone me, has it all figured out. We are all navigating our lives in the best way we can and in the best way we have been taught so far in our lives. And I have also seen from my own experience that some emotions that we refuse to acknowledge, such as anger, can actually start a very meaningful change in our lives. I have also seen from my own experience that in coaching there is some kind of beautiful and safe space between the client and the coach - and it is that loving safe space that transformations happen. Personally, I believe that we as people change much greater and quicker when someone sees the potential in us, when someone reminds us of how amazing we can be and encourages us to show up as that person every day. To me, this is the power and magic of a good coaching relationship. From my heart to yours - thank you for reading. Be well, stay well!
Anger is often seen as a negative emotion, but it can be healthy and productive when managed properly. Why Anger Can Be Good Anger is a natural response to perceived injustice, frustration, or violation of boundaries. It can signal that something in our environment or our life needs attention. When experienced in moderation, anger can serve as a motivator for change, pushing us to take action in situations where we feel powerless or wronged. Often also, anger is the emotion that we as women struggle expressing due to societal norms and pressure to be ‘nice’. How to Use Anger Effectively
When managed consciously, anger can be a powerful ally in making meaningful changes in your life and in the world. So it seems our body and mind truly are connected in one. They are. And this is why our mindset is key to the quality of life.
Shame, guilt, and fear are powerful emotions that can weigh us down. Often they carry a message - especially fear and anxiety. But once we have received the message, there are effective techniques to release them. Releasing Shame Shame often stems from feeling unworthy or inadequate. It is also often the trickiest emotion as it makes us feel like we are - the only one - who has done something wrong or been in that position. Techniques like journaling sometimes can help externalise shame, allowing you to identify its sources and challenge negative self-beliefs. Releasing Guilt Guilt arises from feeling responsible for wrongdoing. Also a big emotion that we tend to shrug under the rug and it may take time and a lot of self-compassion to tap into and work through. Releasing Fear Fear often comes up when something truly matters to us. It tells us that something important is at stake. Mindfulness meditation and exposure therapy have been used as two of the most common techniques. In the context of health & wellbeing coaching, we do not go as deep as in therapy sessions, but it is yet to work through these emotions as they are often the roadblocks to creating a lasting change. Hm. Actually, my emotional state is the main thing I want to change. Yes, this is part of changing our life for the better.
Understanding the theories behind emotions is essential, but equally important is how we work through and manage them. Self-Awareness This is always the first step in cultivating emotional intelligence and regulation. We often think we know ourselves but when we start working deeper with our emotional intelligence skills, we notice that we may have good self awareness when it comes to the so-called positive emotions, such as joy and excitement, and not so close relationships with others like guilt, shame and fear. Mindfulness techniques, like meditation and deep breathing, help us become aware of our emotional states without judgment. Mindfulness increases self-awareness, which allows us to identify the root causes of our emotions and understand how they influence our thoughts and behaviors. It is crucial that we are able to hold space for any emotion without judging so we can have a wholesome idea of who we are and what we feel. Self-Management Once we identify what the emotion is, then we can also decide what it means. This involves changing the way we think about a situation to alter our emotional response. Now, a big part of this second step of growing our emotional intelligence is learning how to express emotions constructively - instead of suppressing them. Sometimes, it may be towards a person but sometimes it may be in other ways that have nothing to do with others. There are a number of emotional release techniques that we can do alone. Learning how to release, regulate and actively be in a good relationship with our emotions is something nobody has taught us - so important to not feel shame or guilt, if this is hard - especially in the beginning. To me it seems often that anxiety and fear are emotions I can not get over. This is normal. These emotions are part of our life, let’s talk about that.
The relationship between thoughts and feelings is complex, and often the link is so fast that we can barely say which one is first. Here are the main ideas of how our thoughts and emotions are interacting: The Cognitive Theory of Emotion (e.g., Lazarus). Thoughts or cognitive appraisals come before emotions. In other words, our interpretation or evaluation of an event is what generates our emotional response. For example, if you see a dark cloud in the sky and think, "That looks like a storm, I’m going to get wet," or you may think “Oh, finally rain will water the flowers I just planted” thus the story we make is before and generates the emotion we experience.. The Physiological Theories ( e.g. James-Lange) This theory suggests that physiological responses come first, and the feeling of an emotion follows. According to this view, your heart starts racing when you face a stressful situation, and then you label that physical response as "anxiety” - thus there is a bodily response prior to it all. The Integrated View In many cases, thoughts and feelings influence each other in a continuous loop. For example, a person might first feel anxiety due to a physiological reaction - rapid heartbeat - which they then interpret cognitively - I must be in danger - leading to an intensified feeling of fear. These theories also, however, tell us that this is a cycle and in coaching we work with breaking the circuit of this cycle. This is the beauty of it - thoughts - physiology - emotions - all interact together, which also means that by changing one of them, we can influence the whole cycle. Are there any emotions that are harder to work with, however? The states we tend to label as negative are definitely tricky.
We all have heard that the emotions we experience and the thoughts we think again and again have a relation to the life we lead. But how? Emotional regulation plays a crucial role in shaping a better life and embracing meaningful change. Research by Gross (2002) suggests that individuals who are skilled in emotional regulation tend to have better mental health, stronger relationships, and greater success in achieving personal goals. When we master our emotions, we gain control over our reactions, allowing us to respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively. This skill is particularly crucial when navigating periods of transition or self-improvement. Everytime, things are not as we expected, we will notice a change in our emotional state. And that is the moment to practice self awareness and emotional regulation. A study by John and Gross (2004) found that those who practice emotional regulation are more resilient to stress and setbacks, which is essential when striving for change. Without emotional regulation, we risk being overwhelmed by stress, frustration, or self-doubt, all of which can hinder progress. Cultivating emotional regulation is not an easy process - by all means it is a steep curve when we have spent years in a certain emotional home. But ultimately - as many excellent coaches point out - we either need to master our emotions or they will master us. We now know that we can choose our emotions - sounds very difficult in many situations - but is truly where our power to shape our life is. Hm, how are thoughts and feelings connected - which one comes first? Our thoughts and emotions are very tightly connected but…
We all live with a delicate balance between the mind and the heart. Many believe that there are four key levels of consciousness and each plays a unique role in shaping our experiences, behaviours, and emotions.
So you mean that emotions are a habit or they influence our habits? Yes, think how often we skip something because ‘we did not feel like it’.
Our brain plays a central role in how we experience and regulate emotions. Three key areas involved are the limbic system, the prefrontal cortex, and the process of neuroplasticity.
It reminds us that we are indeed in control of our responses to the outer world - as cliched as this sounds - and that we can build ourselves. I understand, but often some feelings are just too hard to change. I believe you. And here is a little something about that.
Emotions often feel very subjective and uniquely ours but we all have feelings and they usually have a few common aspects. Understanding these components helps us better manage our emotional well-being. Key components of an emotion include:
As for what comes first - thought or feeling - the answer is often debated. We know that they can influence each other, especially the thoughts and stories we decide (sometimes unconsciously) to give to certain situations and emotions. And this is where coaching becomes a powerful tool - it allows us to become aware of certain patterns, to interrupt them, and to also build the skills and tools to express them in a healthier way. Right. I have also heard we have two types of brains. Is it true? Well, this is also a very simplified way to look at it. I would rather…
Emotional health plays a crucial role in overall well-being. For quite a while we as humanity and the world of medicine and psychology kept these two rather separate. We knew there is a link, naturally, but we were not very convinced that emotions can actually have direct manifestation on our physical health. The most common things we all know are data points like these:
While the impact of stress on our body is researched extensively, there is now also a growing body of evidence that all other emotional states such as anger, fear and guilt can also manifest in the body physically. When we turn to eastern medicine approaches, this relationship between emotions - body health has been the center of what we call holistic health approach. Many eastern medicine paths look at the person as a whole - the body, the feelings, the thoughts, the social interactions, the words we use and the place we live. It is not surprising then that we are finally looking into health & wellbeing the same way. Ok, does this mean that we should control our emotions? To some extent, but it is a little more nuanced than that. |
