47. about emotional intelligence...

​47.

Working through and with our emotions: using emotional intelligence

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Understanding the theories behind emotions is essential, but equally important is how we work through and manage them.

Self-Awareness
This is always the first step in cultivating emotional intelligence and regulation. We often think we know ourselves but when we start working deeper with our emotional intelligence skills, we notice that we may have good self awareness when it comes to the so-called positive emotions, such as joy and excitement, and not so close relationships with others like guilt, shame and fear.

Mindfulness techniques, like meditation and deep breathing, help us become aware of our emotional states without judgment. Mindfulness increases self-awareness, which allows us to identify the root causes of our emotions and understand how they influence our thoughts and behaviors.
It is crucial that we are able to hold space for any emotion without judging so we can have a wholesome idea of who we are and what we feel.

Self-Management
Once we identify what the emotion is, then we can also decide what it means. This involves changing the way we think about a situation to alter our emotional response. Now, a big part of this second step of growing our emotional intelligence is learning how to express emotions constructively - instead of suppressing them. Sometimes, it may be towards a person but sometimes it may be in other ways that have nothing to do with others. There are a number of emotional release techniques that we can do alone.

Learning how to release, regulate and actively be in a good relationship with our emotions is something nobody has taught us - so important to not feel shame or guilt, if this is hard - especially in the beginning.

To me it seems often that anxiety and fear are emotions I can not get over.
                       This is normal. These emotions are part of our life, let’s talk about that.